Forgiveness

Somebody done you wrong.

Black list 'em for the rest of your life, right?

Tempting, I know. But what is this forgiveness thing all about, and how does it benefit me?

It makes you a better person in two ways. In the superficial sense, people will look up to you for it. Good people are forgiving. Therefore, people reason, if you are forgiving then you are a good person.

There is a famous Bible verse that points us in the right direction:

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I
am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and
understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to
remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my
possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have
love, I gain nothing.

Ok, so what does that have to do with forgiveness? Well, not much, directly, but it is a paralell example. If I utter the words of forgiveness, but do not mean them, I have missed most of the good in it. If I am successful in hiding the fact that I don't mean it, perhaps I made the other person feel better -- and that is good, but I am not the person it may lead them to think I am. I may fool them, but I cannot fool myself.

This gets back to the original core of "How to Live a Good Life" -- and that is #1, to be someone you would like.

Why is forgiveness -- real forgiveness, so important?

Because to be able to do it and mean it, you have to recognize that you yourself are not perfect. That you, perhaps despite good intentions to the contrary, have hurt other people. In forgiving others, you forgive that in yourself. It is an act of humility, an act of acceptance that you have weaknesses. You stumble.

The truly strong recongize their weaknesses, and those who recognize their weaknesses can work against them, fortifying their lives with barriers around those weaknesses so that they are not so easily fallen into.

It is not that the strong have no weaknesses, it is that they know what they are and how to avoid them. Even the best of the strong will fail at this occasionally, but if we're not trying not to fail, we will surely fail much more often.

So it's not just new-agey schlock that says that forgiveness is healing, and it heals the self. It really does. It's step #1.

Love is...

Love.

It gets talked about a lot. In all kinds of contexts, with variations on the meaning from lust to mere fondness. And it's no wonder -- lust is a very base form of intense, limited fondness. And fondness is the foundation of Love.

Love doesn't have a good definition, hence the confusion about it. There are all kinds of nuances and edges and corners and it looks different when you look at it from different perspectives.

So how do you know you actually, really love someone? Or if they love you?

Have you ever felt obligated to do something for someone? Has anyone ever done something for you because they felt obligated to do it?

Well, that's not it.

When you find yourself wanting to do things for someone to help improve their lives or bring them a moment's happiness, and getting something from them in return doesn't even factor into the equation -- that's it. When you want someone to be happy because it makes you happy to see them happy -- that's it. That's the stuff. That's what you're looking for.

If you're trying to manipulate someone into behaving in a way that benifits you -- be it by them showing you affection or doing things to make you happy, or even just to get their approval -- that ain't it. Same in reverse.

The love is in the wanting - if their happiness is what you want in return for your efforts... That's IT!

True love is a hard thing to find when you're looking for it. Many of us move right on by true love without even recognizing it.

Love doesn't obligate you to behave in a certain way toward another. The love is in the wanting to behave that way on your own.